Habit of Hope

Short post, general post, maybe not that useful post, but a post. Almost 4 months after I stopped writing on this blog, I come back. Many times I have sat down, put fingers to keyboard, and then stopped, because I (and maybe you, too) many times lately, need to be quiet, and internally focused. It has been a long past 4 months, personally and professionally, and I have worked constantly on fighting for a habit of hope and not of worry, doubt, or in darkest moments, despair. This is a difficult time for so many; it is important to accept that and accept that we can do only what our “best” allows us in each moment of every day.

I am on sabbatical, but I think I should have cancelled it, naively thinking in March, earlier this year, that the pandemic might be over by now, and that I could do what I said I would do in my proposal for the semester-long professional leave. I struggle now with accepting everyday that I am, like many others, working, caring for my children and family, managing the household, and living, working, hobbying, self-caring, etc. all in the same space. I asked for a meeting with an administrator about a little over a week ago, to communicate that 3 weeks into my 15-week semester sabbatical, that I am feeling dread about the pattern of the already gone 20% of my precious time that only comes every 6-7 years. He gave me advice, and I take that a bit further now, in this post: balance, do what you can, and limit time to things that are low priority. These are obvious, but easy to forget to actually do. I take it one step further, and say as I attempt to incorporate this advice into my daily life, that I am also working on a habit of hopefulness instead of worry, and acceptance. I accept, everything that comes and happens, and I accomplish. I practice hoping and staying positive so I keep moving forward. Working on it now, and working on it everyday. Keep hope, keep moving.