Tough, but kind
Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt. You fall. But, you keep going. (Yasmin Mogahed)
The quote on my lab’s homepage is important to me. One of the important features of lasting success and in that process overcoming challenges and becoming more resilient and “tough,” doesn’t mean that a person is sacrificing the kinder, caring side of his or her character. Research is out there on personality traits, including “agreeableness” (compassion, friendliness, politeness, and empathy) and how this trait is related to success at work. When I read the research, sure, it seems like nicer guys are not as successful, but let’s all think about the reality of leadership, success, and the ability of researchers to capture what lasting, true success looks like. I would argue that in life and at work, we should become tougher and more resilient and part of that resilience is maintaining care and appreciation for others. I think I’m hinting that Cinderella was accurate professionally and personally when she said, “Have courage and be kind”
Tall trees that survive unpredictable weather unsettlingly bend and creak in heavy winds, but are far more resilient than rigid, inflexible trees. Skyscrapers are engineered with flexibility to support their lasting stability. Rigid leaders or people who are not flexible or think of others may get their way, succeed, and excel above others, but the lasting power is not there. Personally, too, those people may just not be happy, and as success is not only about professional success, but long-term health and wellness, there is this to consider, too.
Kindness does not have to be about you giving in, sacrificing yourself, giving up your morals and ethics, or tolerating low quality work or treatment. It is about being you, being confident, assertive, but not aggressive, sharing your ideas and thoughts, and doing the right thing, but appreciating others, their differences, listening, learning from others, and being patient. In all we do, let’s work hard, excel, expect great things of ourselves and others, but be kind, be understanding, and inclusive of everyone and their histories and experiences. Let’s give a hand to those who need it, and all excel together.
